In a conversation yesterday, someone brought up that it was the one year anniversary of a break-up and got teary during it. We chatted a bit more and I realized that my point of view may be a bit…different.
I have had my share of loss. My father passed in 1983 and my mother in 1995 plus several uncles and aunts. My reaction to this loss may have seemed odd to those around me. The stages of grief were there but seemed to run their course quickly. This is a big lead-in but goes this direction now…
While the physical loss of family & friends is painful, who long should it last? *Reminder – this is just MY rambling* My perspective is that the physical separation of death or distance isn’t any different. Okay, in one you can call them up and hear their voice.
Anyway, it goes beyond just conversation though. I say this because it appears to me that people are involved in your life for as long as you…or they…need to be. They show up to teach you lessons that you’re supposed to learn (even if you don’t know what lessons are being taught) or because you are supposed to teach them lesson (which they may not recognize).
This holds true for EVERYONE in your life. My parents have been gone for a long time but I am still “learning” the lessons they taught. It also means that I can still hear and feel them in my life every day. If I was upset that they’re gone, I think my vision would be too blurred from anger or grief to see their lessons.
Beyond my parents, another example is a divorce. You say its not the same? Why not? How much loss and grief is connected to a complete change in your family life? Its why people have such ugly divorces and do such terrible things during custody “fights”. Mine was a great 18 year experience where I learned, taught and supported/was supported. A wonderful lady and great (step)kids that had many adventures. When we weren’t best friends any longer, we knew the lessons were done and it was time to explore differently again. We’re still each other’s support system when needed and even have extended family dinners (kind of fun playing the step-kids have a new step-step-mom).
In the end, if “it takes a village” is the standard for making sure our kids grow up healthy, educated, well-rounded shouldn’t we make sure the village is completely populated? If emotions eliminate people from your circle, how can you help them grow and “serve” them. Emotions should be felt but shouldn’t run amok. **Just my rambling**
Author: Master Robert Frankovich
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